Customer Servces
Ask the Right Questions; Ask Questions Rightby Shirley Peddy
“No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions,” said Charles P. Steinmetz. Questions are one of the most powerful tools we have to help us build good relations, make good decisions, and stay out of trouble. Just as professional speakers often hear, “You don’t have to be funny—unless you want to be paid,” it is also true that you don’t need to ask good questions—unless you want to transform a single request for help into a long-term working relationship. I learned this the hard way. A client invited me to speak about mentoring. He told me his organization had a program for over a year. A few more questions would have uncovered the fact that his program was a bomb. Unfortunately, so was mine. I will always consider that event a missed opportunity and an important learning experience.
It is not only important to ask the right question but also to ask the question right. A trainer friend once chastised a woman (let’s call her Vicki) for disrupting his workshop by moving to the back of the room repeatedly to use her cell phone. Immediately after that, she walked out of the workshop. Angered, he called her supervisor. The supervisor stopped him in the midst of his tirade by asking, “Did she tell you about her problem?” My friend had been too focused on the disruption to ask. It turned out that Vicki was not aware she was creating a problem. She had been quietly trying to check on her elderly bedridden mother. When her mother did not answer her repeated calls, Vicki left, went to her mother’s home, and found her where she had fallen.
“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers,” said Voltaire. The point is, it is not only important to ask the right question but also to ask the question right. In the situation described above, it was altogether possible to make matters worse between the trainer and Vicki by asking questions the wrong way. For example, “Do you know how much you are disrupting thing by moving to the back of the room so frequently?” or “Why can’t you wait until the break to make your phone calls?”
We ask questions every day—of our family, our customers, and our coworkers. Sometimes the way we ask, the words we use, and our tone of voice can produce unintended consequences. Children stop listening, customers choose not to call back, or coworkers do not offer the special help we need. In trying to use more productive questions, it helps to consider three types of questioning styles: the journalist, the prosecutor, and the doctor.
Journalists
Journalists may seem friendly, but they often ask “gotcha” questions to get people off balance so they can be the first to report the “big story.” Watch the Sunday talk shows or the news conferences as reporters aggressively interview the President, John McCain, Janet Reno, or Jesse Jackson. Ask the question; get the story. Sometimes they get information. Sometimes they get spin. Sometimes they stop communication on the spot. To emulate the journalistic style is to ask such questions as “Isn’t it true that…” “Why did you go there or do that?” Watch the reaction of the person being interviewed. It is defensive. There is the stunned expression, the sense of being ambushed. Is it any wonder that people hire others to speak to the press—or give evasive responses? For most of us, journalist-type questions may be provocative, but they are not productive.
Prosecutors
Prosecutors want to pin us down with “yes” or “no” answers. They try to get us to admit something but offer us no chance to explain, and we know deep inside that once they get what they are looking for, they will nail us to the wall. With prosecutors we tend to be slippery and cautious. We start parsing meanings. We use words like maybe or we say, “I can’t remember” because we want to avoid the consequences that will inevitably follow the truth. Turn on Court TV and watch witnesses squirming on the stand.
The style of the journalist or the prosecutor does not foster a climate of openness. Just the reverse. But what about the doctor?
Doctors
Remember the last time you went to the doctor? He or she asked you questions like, “How have you been feeling?” “What are the symptoms you have been experiencing?” “Where does it hurt?” What’s more important, he listened, asked us follow-up questions, and even took notes. Doctors use open-ended questions for diagnosis and close-ended questions to make sure they have it right. That is because they realize that they may have good answers, but they can’t help us unless they know what we need. This helpful approach leads us to respond fully and truthfully. Answering their questions is in our best interests.
Asking Questions Right
So what style should you use if you’re the trainer in our story? Start with a simple statement of what you observed. “I noticed that you’ve been moving to the back of the room to use your phone.” It is likely that Vicki will respond, “I’ve been trying to reach my mom. She’s sick in bed, and I’m afraid she may be in trouble.” Case closed. What if Vicki simply says, “I have a problem. That’s all.” If you want more information, use the doctor’s technique and ask open-ended questions. You say, “What more can you tell me?” and then, “What do you need to do?” That’s a far better approach than becoming a journalist, “Why did you need to use the phone so often?” or being a prosecutor, “You could have done that at the break, couldn’t you?”
By the way, did you notice that Vicki’s supervisor did not say to the trainer, “Did you ask her what the problem was?” which would put the trainer on the defensive by focusing on his failure to ask for more information. Rather, he asked, “Did she tell you what the problem was?” because he wanted to understand the situation. If the trainer had said “yes,” it would have been unnecessary for the supervisor to explain and the conversation would have moved in a different direction.
Six Tips for Asking Good Questions
Use open-ended questions beginning with “how” and “what” to get useful information and to encourage communication. When meeting with focus groups, I have learned more by asking, “How are things going?” than by being overly specific at first. That’s like the doctor asking, “How are you feeling?”
Use close-ended questions for verifying information. “When do you plan to make a decision?” “What time will you be available?”
Statements make great questions because they keep us from putting someone on the defensive. “I noticed you were late this morning” is a better way of getting information that saying, “Why were you late?” It is important to pause so the other person knows you are expecting a reply.
Use prompters such as “tell me more about that,” or “give me an example,” to get more complete information.
Before asking any question, be clear about the information you are seeking.
If you want to be sure you’ve covered everything, ask this final question: “What else should I have asked?” I believe I could have done a better job with my mentoring client if I had asked that question.
That meeting reminded me once again that communication is a two-way street. Asking the right questions keeps things moving. When we ask them the wrong way, we are likely to meet a dead end.
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Dr.Shirley Peddy has been called "the mentor's mentor." Her insights and ideas on mentoring and communication are based on more than 25 years of working with people in business, government, and professional organizations. To learn more, visit her at www.b
